| | Yeah, I'm posting a second post only minutes after the first, fuck you.
I'm seriously considering taking a holiday from xanga. I don't know how
long it will last, it may be only a few weeks, a few days or a few
hours. I seriously need to get some self-esteem. I might move to
another blogging site for a while (possibly Live Journal or Blogger),
or I may come back to xanga after doing nothing for a while. I may not
do anything at all and just feel better when I get home from work and
post.
I'm sorry to you all for sucking. I really sorely am sorry for how
stupid and shitty my xanga is. I'm sorry for wasting your bandwidth and
filling up your internet cache with my crap.
I can't read my old blogs anymore. I can't do it. I can barely read my
current blog. I'm such a horrible writer and a social loser. I'm not
funny, I'm not enjoyable to read at all, I don't know why I have
illusions of gradeur and fame...being high on the xanga featured list
like people actually give a fuck what goes on in my life.
I really don't know why people like me. I'm an asshole in real life, or
else quiet and completely withdrawn. My hair sucks, I have acne, no
money, no social skills, nothing to look forward to anymore. My
motivation for marching band is dead. I don't want to deal with another
shit year of the Yealys bitching and the angsty shit that always
happens and the bull shit of bandcamp and the practicing and the cold
and the hot and the being ignored and the shit. Fuck it all.
This xanga has stood, whether it was silently or otherwise, for my love
of marching band. It stood for my passion for music and my love of
being a leader and my potential to succeed and my desire to motivate
and be a part of something great: the band. I was obsessed with band. I
was completely into it. Now that I've basically lost that passion, I
think it's time to move on to another xanga. I'm moving on to other
interests, other hobbies, other things to waste my life on and give up
on later. I'm not continuing band after highschool, so why bother? In
college I'm going to join or start a garage band and make music my own
way with, more or less, complete creative freedom. I don't want a xanga
that will reflect something that I no longer feel up to. I want a xanga
that stands for my new life. This xanga is stagnant. I feel like
nothing is happening. I'm not making a rash descision based on this,
I'm going to sleep on it. If I still feel this way, I'll see about
either a new xanga or a new blog site altogether.
If I don't change anything, I planned on getting a new one when I go to college anyway, so it doesn't matter.
Right, then.
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| | Posted 6/13/2005 12:30 AM - 4 Views - 12 eProps - 6 comments
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